Welcome to the Future

At one point in Avatar the military unit on Pandora throws gas canisters into the home of the Na’vi. A shot shows one of these gas canisters hitting the ground and rebounding; sitting in the theatre with my 3D glasses on I flinched. 3D is cool.

Approximately fifteen years after originally conceived, Avatar is finally in theatres and it is, amazing. The story centres on Jake Sully and his experiences on a planet called Pandora that humans have recently discovered. On Pandora there are all kinds of new life including the Na’vi, a race similar to humans except overall just better. Due to really really cool technology Jake controls an avatar (a body that looks just like a Na’vi) and can see, hear and feel through his avatar all from the comfort of the lab. Soon he (as in his avatar) is living with the real Na’vi, learning their ways, falling in love and eventually protecting them against the greedy, capitalistic humans. This story is complicated but James Cameron has almost three hours for it to develop and the plot never feels rushed.

The story alone is interesting enough to make this movie worthwhile but it is the visuals that set this movie apart. A whole new world has been created with this movie. Pandora looks like Discovery Channel’s Holy Grail; every minute detail is incredible, from the Na’vi to the plants in the background of some unimportant scene. The hours logged to make this movie must be astronomical. Even the technology of the humans is cool and least remotely realistic. Giant planes and helicopters, impressive ironman-robot-type-deals, hell the breathing masks are cool.

And then there’s the 3D. Avatar is considered the first 3D movie directed at adults; translation being: this movie will make or break the future of 3D. Luckily it’s made it. Besides the whole “look-something’s popping out of the screen” gimmick 3D is amazing because it makes everything look ultra-high-definition. Scenes are given layers and the audience is brought that much closer into the film. This movie has shown that even romantic comedies could have 3D in the future; maybe James Cameron is king of the world.

What this movie needs now is a prequel. How did humans discover/locate/get-to/land-on/settle/learn-the-language/set-up-a-school/create-avatars/discover-that-expensive-mineral/develop-the-technology/etc./etc./etc.? And what about on earth, are there avatars there, are wars being fought with casualties that aren’t real? What do people think of Pandora, how are the international politics playing out? If it takes six years to get to Pandora but you don’t age during that time, that’s got to create some weird things; a mother could end up six years older than her child. Avatar ignores a lot of questions that could fit into a whole other movie.

Avatar is the future of film, there is no doubt in my mind that more and more action movies will begin to be made in 3D, with other genres soon to follow. James Cameron has created an epic movie, that movie-goers will swarm to and that will inspire the film industry and its future direction. And it only took fifteen years and three hundred million dollars.

This... Wasn't It

Or... This is shit, but I didn't think it was THAT bad,

This Is It is a movie everyone should have heard of through the mass hype and hysteria of Michael Jackson's mysterious death. Though he isn't actually dead, thats beside the point. This movie follows behind the scenes of Michael Jackson's preparation for his huge completely sold out final concert tour "This Is It". The movie follows around Michael, his kiss-ass director, and the back-up dancers, singers, and band members of the huge concert.

The premise of This Is It sounds amazing, a 2 hour movie of backstage access with the biggest icon in music history. Alas, it turned out to be just an extremely long 2 hour movie with very bad audio, with a few good special effects here and there. Michael seemed very picky about all of his tendencies, and the movie did not shine a very good light on how he was as a person. Having a director that listened to everything Michael said and dancers that were crying every five seconds because of the opportunity they were given makes you want to cringe. Also, did anyone notice how big his hands are? That just seemed disgusting...

Though, there were some bright spots in this otherwise bleak movie. Michael still had the dance moves he had in the 80's, you can tell that the concert would have been a spectacle for the ages, and the guitar playing girl was sexy while shredding.

This Is It was a major struggle to watch all the way through, and should have been made much shorter, with less pointless interviews with pointless people. If each song was given the audio clarity it deserved, and the movie was cut down to around the hour and a half range, then maybe I could have stayed interested. Instead, they tried to give you an inside look at the boring and pointless rehearsals for over 2 hours.

The Men Who Stare at Goats (so as to become Jedi Warriors and create world peace while possibly under the influence of LSD) Any questions?

Even from the title, a person can guess that this movie will be different. Men staring at goats doesn’t seem like the most interesting plot line; maybe then does the movie aim to be original rather than just having commercial appeal? The answer is a resounding yes. Men Who Stare at Goats is absurd, odd, hilarious, amusing, definitely original, possibly good and not at all what you would expect.

The plot, well the plot is complicated and involves a present-time storyline that is broken up between flashbacks. In short, George Clooney and Ewan McGregor are on one hell of a road trip in Iraq while Clooney tells McGregor about his time in a secret army training program, bent on creating Jedi warriors. So it’s your typical movie. What it really is is one of those smart-and-dumb-at-the-same-time-comedies-that-involves-George-Clooney; films such as Burn After Reading and The Informant (which he produced) also fall into this category.

Whether you like this movie or not, will depend on how accepting you are of the ridiculous. The movie deals with developing Jedi warriors in a comedically serious way that will be just too much for some people. The sixties counter culture is popular target for jokes in films, but an army program run by a long-haired hippy, working on world peace by dancing, that’s pushing it. My personal feeling for the movie was overall positive; it was original and some segments were genuinely funny. Also on the plus side was the acting. The two leads were good, though McGregor had some accent slips, but the supporting cast was also impressive. Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges and Stephen Lang all embraced the absurdity of their roles and played them with relish.

As for the comedy, the movie is funny. Some parts drag on a little long with no laughs but patience is always rewarded. Jokes in this movie are both smart and dumb, mixing slapstick with intellectual comedy. Clooney running over someone he’s trying to rescue falls in the slapstick category; a guy explaining why the US has to finance the Jedi training because the USSR thinks there already financing it is smart funny. Kevin Spacey’s “psychic voice” is just plain funny.

To finish off, I can only think to repeat that the movie is absurd and just plain odd, but then again so is real life. If the US can torture people with Barney why can’t they train people with Star Wars?

It was Good, Not Biblical

"Law Abiding Citizen" my ass more like "Saddam Husseining Citizen"

Walking into this movie there was an odd feeling in the air that this might be just another action movie with an awful plot line and a bunch of horrible actors and the only thing good about it would be the somewhat cool action scenes. Luckily the feeling walking out of the theaters would be completely opposite to the feeling walking in.

Law Abiding Citizen is about Clyde Shelton ( Gerard Butler) whose wife and little girl were killed. Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) was unable to put both killers in jail. So Clyde seeks justice for the rest of his life, in whatever way is necessary. The entire movie is trying to create a political statement about the justice system and how blah blah blah now for the action.

The script writers in this movie were not amateurs at killing people, they had it figure out quite well in fact. Some of the killing tools used in this movie could sit on the same murder trial case as the ones in Saw. If Clyde wants you dead you're dead it might be a gun that makes you paralyzed so he can chop you up or he could put a bullet in your cell phone that would take a huge chunk out of your head or he might even puncture your jugular with a T-bone from a steak. He will fuck you up ... oddly it makes for a good movie.

The movie fit into an unorthodox category of a murder mystery where you already know who the bad guy is and yet it is still extremely suspenseful. The acting in the movie had its flaws especially when Gerard decided every so often that he was in 300 again and turned on his accent. Jamie Foxx did a marvelous job playing his character of Nick Rice. The only real flaw in the writing of the script was that they killed the hot girl and the only piece of eye candy left in the movie was Jamie Foxx's middle aged wife.

At some parts in the movie it is about as realistic as Twilight Zone, I mean come on (Spoiler Alert) there is no way in hell that a prisoner, who has been creating a circus of the justice system, would be able to escape from solitary confinement everyday. Then, when the entire city is being locked down Mr. "I will fuck you up" can walk out of his jail cell and waltz straight into city hall and then, after being searched and frisked can still assemble and plant a bomb that would blow up city hall.

Although the movie was not the best I had ever seen it did a very good job. The movie did have some flaws of an unreal plot line and a bad accent changing actor but for the most part I was pleasantly surprised at the finished product.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-r-e

Where The (Big, Furry, Agressive, Easily Conflicted, Akward and Extremely) Wild Things Are

A Children's Story For Adults

The movie Where the Wild Things Are is an in depth tale about Max (a young, emotionally conflicted boy) trying to be heard even though his size keeps him from being recognized. The movie takes a very famous book that is only 10 sentences long and expands it into a 101 minute film of moving emotions. The entire film is quite dark and very emotional, meant for someone with bi-polar disorder because it goes from being hilarious to being extremely depressing all in 3 seconds.

Very few of the characters in this movie had a human face, in fact there was quite a variety in the faces that the characters wore including goat, monster, owl, bull, and chicken. All the characters in the movie were extremely lovable and funny except Judith (she's a downer). James Gondolfini (Carol) once again blows audience away with his amazing talent. The real Oscar winner in this movie however, is Max Record who has a very intense and emotional role. The movie does a really good job of making the audience care about a bunch of stupid wild things.

One of the problems of this movie was the plot line. It seemed like the writers for this movie took cool ideas and wrote them down and shot darts at a board and when they hit the idea it comes next in the screenplay. The movie's plot line is easy to follow but keeps you asking questions like "why are they in the desert?" or "what is the point of punching holes in trees?". The movie used the book less like a screenplay (Because then the movie would have been ten minutes.) and more as a guideline of certain frames that should be hit.

There have been a lot of comments that people have made about bringing there kid to see the film and then finding out it is not made for kids. Well just to silence these assholes I would like to say that it was rated PG-13 (There's a hint.) and that the book is not even a kids book, it's protagonist is a kid who wears a weird wolf suit and yells at his mom. Now if you think that yelling at your mom builds good morals then you're an idiot.

The movie gave an extremely emontional view on a 9 year old's life. The movie hit all the right pressure points and will turn into a classic. This movie is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-E

The Invention of the Good Romantic Comedy ... And we're not Lying

Ricky Gervais is one of the funniest men in the world. He created, wrote and starred in The Office, a revolutionary TV show and when he speaks at award shows the audience laughs, and not the pretend, acknowledging-the-joke-laugh but a real, that-was-actually-funny laugh. The Invention of Lying is Gervais’s newest project, one that he once again created, wrote and starred in and it too is a hit. The premise is original, the jokes new, the acting well done; in short the movie works even with certain given clichés.

The premise of The Invention of Lying is believe it or not about the invention of lying. It is an alternate universe where no one in the world can lie, or even knows what a lie is. In fact for some unexplainable reason not only do people lie but they go out of their way to tell the truth. Pepsi’s slogan is “for when they don’t have coke”, retirement homes are called “A sad place where old people go to die”, doctors tell you your diagnosis with added details. It is in this world that Mark (Gervais) tells the first lie and soon, with his power, he is living the high life. Unfortunately however, his ability cannot get him true love or save his dying mother and that is where the romantic portion as well as religious musings enters the movie.

That’s right romance and religion; those of you who watched the trailer are probably surprised because the movie is advertised as a straight-up comedy. It is however, a romantic comedy with dramatic portions, just to be one hundred percent up front. Hopefully this will not dissuade anyone from going because this movie is worth watching. To repeat from earlier, Ricky Gervais is one of the funniest men in the world, and this shows in The Invention of Lying.

The cast is star-studded including Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill and Tina Fey, and all of them are impressive. Jonah Hill in particular was funny, playing a suicidal character who openly conversed about his attempts to kill himself. The religious sub-plot is also amusing, with the population pestering Mark about what exactly constitutes as a sin. Where the movie gets frustrating however, is the clichés it does fall into. How many romantic comedies have resolved with a wedding scene where the man begs the soon-to-be-married-woman to marry him instead (I can think of five just off the top of my head)? And on top of that the movie only ever resolves the romantic plot ignoring the lingering questions of religion.

To sum it up when Mark says: “This is the greatest movie ever made” he’s not lying, just exaggerating a little.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-e

I Am Legend Meets Hilarious

Okay picture this your the last man on earth or one of the last few people in America that isn't a zombie. All you do is kill zombies, and every day is a struggle for life while the only enjoyment left is one upping each other with zombie kills. It would be absolutely terrible.

But it is fucking hilarious to watch. And that is ZOMBIELAND!

Woody Harrelson, the zombie killing crazy, Tallahasse steals the show with his epic hilarious zombie kills and possibly even better are his lines before, after and during each zombie kill.

Then of course there is Columbus the typical nerd who rises above all and some how gets the hot girl. Columbus's nerdiness, akward flirting and hilarious fails just add to the overall feel and humout of the movie.

Zombieland does what lots of movies have tried to do and failed. Combine comedy and horror. These movies usually come off taking themseleves too seriously or just feeling incredibly lame. The only real successful one before Zombieland was Shawn of the Dead. Zombieland goes above Shawn of the Dead.

Shawn of the Dead is equivilant to the clown zombie in the Zombieland it gave Columbus a bit of a scare, but he squashed it just like everyother zombie in the movie.

Until you've seen zombieland you will never truely appretiate how enertaining it can be to watch zombies getting killed.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-e

Let Me Inform You...

A Title Filled With Irony

The Informant is about Mark Whitacre ( Matt Damon ) a man who works at a giant agricultural company. Mark Whitacre becomes an undercover agent for the U.S government who is trying to take down this company for price fixing. The movie is quite un-informing to say the least. The movie is split into 2 parts, Boring Part 1 and Good Part 2.

The first half of the movie is extremely painful. The movie was advertised to seem as though it would be a hilarious comedy about a retarded, untrained undercover agent... Which obviously it wasn't. Having a plot line that doesn't really matter and boring main character does not help the anti - climatic first half. The first half of the movie makes you wonder if you should get up and leave the theatre, this would be a total mistake because the second part of the movie is amazing.


Imagine this movie sort of like an atomic bomb, putting it together would be as boring as talking to Helen Keller but once that thing (the atomic Bomb) is in the air it would be like talking to the Beatles.

The second part of the film could be closely paralleled to the Bush administration and how what they told America something different than what was actually happening in Iraq. The first half of the movie is simply meant to setup the second half. The informant character ( Matt Damon )might not be telling the complete truth throughout the first half of the movie. This creates a hilarious character change which causes the whole plot to take a U turn to the world of comedy. The second part of the movie is filled with laugh out loud scenes and funny lines. The constant narrating of Mark Whitarce thoughts throughout the movie is also funny. The second half of the movie is hilarious and worth waiting for.

Overall, The first part of the movie would be something you would expect to be shown at a Japanese enslavement camp as torture and the second part of the movie is the complete opposite making you laugh at every line.

If this movie where to be some sort of math equation it would be:

Unfunny + Uneventful + Anticlimactic = Fucking Hilarious + Ridiculous + Anti- Informant


Overall rating: S-A-B-r-e

Out of This World

David Bowie's son is not your average celebrity offspring. Duncan Jones has decided that instead of making crap music and living off his dad's fame he would do something worthwhile with his life. The result is a genius film, Moon. As the title suggests Moon is really out of this world (both literally and interpretively).

Moon tells the story of Sam Bell (Sam Rockwell) who is finishing a three-year-tenure on the moon for Lunar Industries harvesting energy on the moon. During the last two weeks Sam starts to go a little crazy and uncovers a conspiracy that will rock the world...or the moon.

This movie is everything most Sci-Fi movies aren't. Despite a lack of action it is inquisitive, intelligent and an emotional thrill ride. It is a movie that begs to be rewatched and is brilliantly crafted. Unlike most Sci-Fi flicks this movie requires a fair amount of thinking. For about twenty minutes you will literally be sitting in your seat thinking WTF!?! having no idea what is going on (of course you will only be thinking this and won't say this because you will be in a theatre that shows independent movies and is filled with movie geeks that you are scared to disturb).

This coming from someone that isn't a huge fan of low-budget, independent movies, Moon is a must see. Unlike other independent movies that rely on drug abuse, weird sexual fetishes, and mental breakdowns to keep them interesting Moon is original and clever. Jones's film may well have opened up a whole new genre within the sci-fi heading. Moon may not have the thirty minute lightsaber fight or any Vulcan space chases but what it does have is an exceptional idea executed perfectly.

You may need a clone to do all the thinking you need for this movie!

Glorious Basterds

Quentin Tarantino is like no other director, and Inglourious Basterds is like no other Word War II. These two statements surmise the entire two and a half hours of Inglourious Basterds, which is an incredible film. Divided into five chapters (which I'm sure someone smart could parallel to Shakespeare's five acts) the movie tells the stories of a young Jewish woman orphaned by the Nazis, and an American guerrilla unit in Germany known for removing Nazi scalps. Both the young woman (Melanie Laurent) and the military unit (lead by a southern Brad Pitt) hatch separate plans to assassinate Adolph Hitler and chaos ensues. The antagonist to all of this and one of the best parts of the movie is the chillingly uncaring Col. Hans Landa (Christopher Waltz) aka "the Jew Hunter."

Inglourious Basterds is not a thriller, action, comedy or drama, though it's not not any of those genre's either; instead it is probably safest to say that it was made by Quentin Tarantino. For people who have not seen anything by Quentin Tarantino the term adult-fairy-tale could be used as well. The characters are larger than life, the sets are over the top, the plot is simple yet huge in scope, and of course it begins with "once upon a time." In addition, the cinematography, the music, the acting and the editing are all excellent and it leaves the movie with the feeling that it is too romanticized to be real life yet somehow more like real life than most other films. All of this comes out from Taratino's distinct style, which is what makes the movie work. The scene in the basement tavern showcases this in particularly, with the suspicious Nazi, the suave British spy and the double-agent socialite battling it out in one long unabridged sequence.

The acting as mentioned is incredibly well done; Brad Pitt becomes the southern US and Christopher Waltz impersonates an evil at par with Heath Ledger's joker. Melanie Laurent is ruthless, beautiful, angry, simple, vengeful etc. all in one complex character. Even Mike Myers and B.J. Novak, known for their comedy, pull off serious roles without problem.

In short Quentin Tarantino is a unique and awe-inspiring film-maker. I mean how many people do you think can pull off an out of the blue narration by Samuel L. Jackson accompanied by sixties font and music in the middle of a WWII movie and make it seem normal. He makes movies with a style so their own that they would be refreshing if the plot revolved around a blind eighty year old dictioneer (dictioneer (n'): one who writes dictionaries). So what if he slightly fudged the facts of WWII, the movie was entertaining and that is kind of the point. Inglourious Basterds deserves full praise as much as Lt. Aldo Raine deserves his one hundred Nazi scalps.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-e

District 9 gets a 10

Don't keep this movie in the slums let it bust out into the wide screen metropolis world.



The movie District 9 is a realistic portrayal of what would happen if aliens landed on earth. The movie isn't full of crazy force fields or the destruction of man kind but the story of Wikus Van De Merwe, a head operative at Multi-National United, who has the exciting task of moving 1.8 million prawns ( aliens ) to District 10. Over the course of the movie action, plot and a little love is shown.

The beginning of the movie was shot in documentary style allowing the viewer to understand the concept of the prawn. The middle was a lot of Sci-Fi intense action scenes. Up to this point the movie was a brilliant movie and then the movie took a international trip from south Africa to America and was added to the melting pot of Americanized movies, which was a little disappointing.

The movie parallels the movie Miracle of life in realism. District 9 gave what seemed like an extremely accurate representation of what life would be like with weird creature walking around. The C.G.I in this movie was so unreal as the concept itself.

It takes a brilliant mind to think of a concept like this. The character of Wikus Van De Merwe was very well done even thought the actor, Sharlto Copley, has only been in a few films made in south Africa. The documentary style of the movie was only shown at the beginning and the end of the movie, but most of the movie was shot in third person.

The movie did have a couple parts that were annoying. When MNU was evicting the prawns is only seemed like a few thousand were actually in the slums when really there is "suppose" to be 1.8 million. The alien ship that hovered over the city of Johannesburg was not being inspected or protected in anyway what so ever and it would seem like maybe the human race would want to know a little about the technology of the "mother ship."

Overall this movie was from out of this world

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-E

Revenge Of The Sequel

Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen is the prototypical Michael Bay movie. "Let's blow so much shit up and make it CRAZY". Thankfully, Bay didn't try anything new, and stuck to what he knows.

Transformers once again has Shia LaBeouf in the lead role as Sam Witwicky, and Megan Fox as his girlfriend, Mikaela Banes. The movie follows Sam as he travels to college, which to the shallow guy seems to be the best college dorm ever created. Though, his stay there is short-lived as decepticon leader Megatron escapes from containment (Shocker!).

The movie is filled with excessive battle scenes between massive transformers, making for an action filled adventure movie. Though, the plot line could've been written by a 5 year old, then given to a college jock to add in some Megan Fox slow motion run scenes in skimpy clothes, and mega explosions every 10 seconds, Revenge of the Fallen is what it is, an action movie.

For an action movie, it's one that takes advantage of new found technology and excessive CGI, and makes one of the coolest looking movies to date. The technology in the movie is unparalleled, making for an amazing cinematic adventure. Add in a lot of Megan Fox, and you have the best movie Micheal Bay has made since Pearl Harbour, though that's not saying much.

It's Not Worse Than Cancer...

But... It's probably about as awkward as telling your parents you have a sexually transmitted disease.

Bruno is another documentary-like comedy starring Sacha Baren Cohen in the lead role. Like Borat, Bruno makes fun of the American Stereotypical southerners. The main plot line of Bruno follows the title character (who is flamboyantly gay) trying to become famous after his hit Austrian tv show bombs. Bruno, with his assistant's assistant, Lutz, must try to find out how to be a Hollywood Superstar.

The movie itself makes Borat seem tame. All the ways that Bruno tries to become a "superstar" are crude, disgusting, and sometimes very un-necessary.

The movie however also shows how stupid Americans can truly be. The fact that there are priests who "convert" those who are gay because "it's not what Jesus wants" makes the audience do a double take because of how insecure it makes these people seem.

Overall, Bruno maybe trying to make southern America look bad but in the end, this movie basically turns into gay porn. Nice try Sacha, but maybe Bruno should stay in short sketchs on Da Ali G Show... Where it belongs

Harry Potter and the Prince of Potter Films

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince clearly stands above the rest of the Potter films. Everything from the character representations to the creative camera shots make Half-Blood Prince a smash hit.

For the first time director David Yates along with screenwriter Steve Kloves have captured the character of Harry Potter perfectly. Every aspect of Harry from the sarcastic comedy to the emotional time-bomb to the loyal friend was captured by the film. As opposed to previous films Harry seems like a decent guy instead of being stuck up and arrogant.

The movie was also helped along by Michael Gambon's best portrayal of Dumbledore to date. However the star of the show is undoubtedly Tom Felton. Felton had a very simple role playing Malfoy in the first five films, but in the Half-Blood Prince he brings complex emotion to the character. Especially in the final few scenes of the film, the Malfoy portrayed is incredibly believable.

The sets and camera shots were also very well done. New sets such as the cave, Borgin and Burkes, and Weasley's Wizard Wheezes brought some refreshing changes to the series. The cave was especially well done, with the dark, creepy feel portrayed in the book coming off very well. The film used much more handheld shots than previous films, which were used to great effect. The film seemed much more natural, and it felt more like a glimpse into the wizarding world, than a "muggle movie".

The one main negative about the film is some very poor Harry - Ginny scenes. Bonnie Wright (Ginny) is a god-awful actor, there is no other way to put it. Unfortunately she wasn't given any brilliant material to work with either which led to some disastrous flirting scenes between her and Harry. Other than that the romance, though possibly excessive, was for the most part funny and true to the books.

Half-Blood Prince is by far the darkest of any Harry Potter film to date, and these dark scenes are undoubtedly the highlight of the film. The attack on the Burrow, the cave scene, the Sectumsempra and the final sequence at Hogwarts are all very well acted and emotionally fueled. These key scenes are not shoved into the viewers face like in previous Potter films, but they are subtly done adding an element of intensity.

Finally and possibly most importantly the film flowed like a film and unlike the fourth and fifth movies in the Harry Potter series it was not a highlight package. Half-Blood Prince is by far the slowest of the movies which gives the action and dark sequences a more meaningful impact. This slow pace didn't make the movie boring at any point, but gave it a certain balance that had been lacking in the past.

Overall Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is a booming success that sets up perfectly for the franchise's two part finale "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows".

Robbing a Bank Takes Less Than 140 Minutes

The 1930's thriller, Public Enemies, doesn't quite live up to expectations and it mainly comes down to the fact that the movie is long and drawn out. The entire movie spans 140 minutes (that's two hours and twenty minutes for those of you too lazy to do the math) and becomes extremely repetitive.

The storyline sticks to the true story of bank robber John Dillinger (Johnny Depp) almost too accurately to the point where it hurts the movie. The movie includes way too many gun fights. These gun fights are long, repetitive and poorly shot. Lots of the movie is shot using handheld camera angles which looks very cool except during gun fights. I want to see whats happening, not random angle changes every two seconds, with loud bangs that go on for fifteen minutes at a time. In the end you don't find out what happened during the gun fight (ie. who died) until after it is over, just because it is near impossible to keep track.

Dillinger also escapes from jail twice. The first escape is very cool and starts the movie off with a bang, but when the second escape comes around the element of surprise and excitement is gone.

The various bank robberies are also very similar. The first one or two = cool, the next few = boring.

The movie would have been a lot better if it had been cut down to one and a half hours, with less, but more intense action sequences.

With all that being said Johnny Depp is phenomenal. Unless the otherwise poor film robs him, Depp may be in line for an Oscar. He portrays Dillinger as a witty, yet conniving criminal with an edge.

In the end Depp steals the spotlight in Public Enemies, a movie which has lots of potential but falls short of what it could have been.

Romantic Comedy #1537

I have seen my fair share of romantic comedies, way more than I would like to admit. I have seen so many romantic comedies that I could probably list Meg Ryan's ten last films ... in order. I have definitely seen enough romantic comedies to know the typical format of the genre, considering it never ever changes. Now I know this is true of most genres, but for some reason romantic comedies seem especially bad. I almost wonder if there's a writing-romantic-comedies-for-dummies book out there that all screen writers use that says scene five must be a comedic incident that causes witty banter and scene fourteen must include a deep conversation about love.

Where I am getting with this is that The Proposal is not a bad movie, it's just a typical one. In the film, Ryan Reynolds plays Andrew an Alaskan born twenty-something living in New York City. Against his parents wishes he moved to New York to become a successful publisher, but has spent the last two years as a glorified secretary under the iron thumb of the cold-hearted but successful Margaret (Sandra Bullock, falling way short of Meryl Streep). Margaret however is Canadian and when her green card isn't renewed she risks being deported back to the cold barren waste land  ... unless she marries an American citizen. Before you know it Andrew and Margaret are getting married (he get's a promotion for his effort) and they're off to Alaska to meet the parents.

Due to my extensive knowledge in rom-com's I know that the fake-relationship plot line has been used in films such as What Happen's in Vegas, and Failure to Launch (both made in the last three years), so this angle is not new. Neither is the fact that the love interests at the beginning of the film hate each other, or the fact that they end up together at the end (I would've put a spoiler alert in front of that but let's face it we all knew it anyway). Even the scene where Margaret let's the inside-only pet outside was used in Meet the Parents. The jokes are partially recycled and worst of all the new, funny jokes they did have were all given away in the trailer. The movie in short is nothing new.

The good news though is that those of you that like the standard romantic comedies will love The Proposal in the same way fans of Die Hard loved Die Hard 2. This movie has an audience, a specific but dedicated audience. And it's not all bad; Betty White is awesome, and so is the house in Alaska. Some scenes are funny. the acting is good and it's not totally unrealistic (just around the same level as Die Hard ... it could happen).

So in the end I suppose all that really needs to be said about The Proposal  is that it's a romantic comedy, and not a totally bad one at that.

Prehistoric Killing Part Two: Lost in Hell

The title of this review, Lost in Hell, pretty much wraps up the movie, Land of the Lost. Rarely do I consider leaving the theatre after fifteen minutes, but it only took ten to realize this movie wasn't going anywhere. Eventually it becomes difficult to discern the difference between dinosaurs, cavemen, aliens and Will Ferrel. They all become jumbled into one stupid movie. Of course in the end an obsessive need to see what happens at the end kept me sitting in my seat for the entire hour and half, but as originally expected it was not worth the time.

Watching Land of the Lost is a bit like trying to laugh while reading the dictionnary... here give it a shot:

bland
adj., bland·er, bland·est.

1. Characterized by a moderate, unperturbed, or tranquil quality, especially:
a) Pleasant in manner; smooth: a bland smile.
b) Not irritating or stimulating; soothing: a bland diet.
c) Exhibiting no personal worry, embarrassment, or concern: told a series of bland lies.
2.
a) Dull and insipid: a bland little drama.
b) Having little or no distinctive flavor: bland cooking.

The biggest difference is that the dictionary isn't trying.

Will Ferrel was once a man famous for his roles in classic comedies like Old School and Anchorman. Now he will apparently act in any movie that throws a dime at him. This movie had zero potential and the fact that Will Ferrell thought that he had something to gain from playing a role in this movie is slightly disturbing.

It has however opened my eyes to how low Ferrell has sunk, I think I may just give him twenty bucks to star in my new comedy:

DICTIONARY: Letters A-B

Get ready for multiple sequels and more entertainment than Land of the Lost.

Prehistoric Killing Part One: An Epic Victory

Going in to a comedy you expect a decent amount of laughs, some memorable lines, and of course Jack Black. Year One delivers this, with an effective if not classic comedy. Jack Black plays the part of a caveman well, which is unsurprising considering his striking resemblance to a cavemen in the first place. However rising star Michael Cera really steals the show. His witty side comments, pathetic attitude and overall funniness made for lots of laughs.

The movie consists of several bible references, most of which are easy to understand and quite funny (the best without a doubt Abraham killing his son). Year One also puts a creative twist on the Cain and Able story. These scenes keep the movie going in between the duo's epic trip from their home tribe to the sinning, whore filled (much to the delight of our two cavemen), and violent city of Sodom.

By far the funniest parts of the movie take place in Sodom as the cavemen attempt to live among the dangerous Roman-like citizens. Our two heros take their place among the guards. Both cavemen find hilarious love interests in Sodom, with Black being chased by the hot princess, while Cera has to cope with a gay priest.

At the end Year One falls a little near the end when it finds itself in a situation that too many comedies find themselves in, when it starts to take itself too seriously. The final rebellion has its laughs, but it starts to take on a much lamer "greater good" movie feel, as Black and Cera attempt to rescue the villagers from the overpowering rulers.

Year One won't be the best comedy you will see all year, but if you are need of a few good laughs and some good times you can't go wrong with Year One.

Terminate Me

The 2009 movie Terminator Salvation was frankly and bluntly awful.

The movie was meant to be about people destroying machines, not a love story between a lame girl and a robot. Most of the plot centered around this lame love connection.

The Plot:

John Conners (Christian Bale) is trying to take down Skynet (a stupid machine head quarters area). You would think that it would take a giant assult on the area to get inside but no all you need is a machine on your side who can simply turn everthing off... WOW problem solving by three year olds.

The Love:

I have to say that of the whole movie, the romance portion sucked the most. The love shared between lame girl and the half-machine, half-man dude paralleled the love shared between an old man (living his mother's basement) and a russian mail-ordered bride.

The Action:

I walked into this movie expecting ACTION, the climax of this movie was about the same as the climax of a chef chopping lettuce. There were some scenes that were cool. The let down though was how they blow up Skynet. To blow up skynet they shoot at the power cells of a machine, which seems unrealitic because everytime other time they had previously blown up a machine (which happens numerous times) no small atomic bomb sized explosion happened.

The movie was awful. It was like having sex with an old fat woman ... it leaves you completely unsatisfied.

The reason they named it Terminator Salvation was because they are going to have to salvage all the people's bodies who have committed suicide after seeing this movie

UP with the Movie, Down with the Dogs

As we have learned from their previous nine films, Pixar makes amazingly awesome movies (with possibly the exception of Cars, but even then not really). For their tenth endeavour they have produced UP, a family film that lives up to the company name. My opinion during the first half an hour of the movie in fact, was that UP would be the best Pixar film yet, and it almost was.

I'm not going to spend time on the good parts of the movie, because they're the usual good pixar things. Instead I'm just going to have to talk about the damn dogs.

Starting around a half hour in the audience is introduced to a group of dogs, whose collars transmit what their thinking into words. To me this sounds like a bad idea on paper and it looks worse on screen, especially since Pixar can't make up it's mind to whether the dogs are geniuseswho can fly airplanes or the typical mutts that gets distracted by a squirrell. I mean it's weird enough as it is, having an old explorer living in a tropical forst own hundred of dogs let alone ones that can talk. In one scene the heroes of the movie escape imprisonment by throwing a tennis ball by their guards. In another the dogs make fun of their leader because he has to wear the cone of shame (one of those anti-itch dog cones). Keeping in mind these are dogs who in previous scenes have used GPS systems and cooked gourment meals. This might be okay in another cartoon movie but come on Pixar I expected more from you than a scene wear dogs are playing poker in the background.

In the end though this is another great Pixar movie that is miles ahead of any other kid movie. I just wished there weren't the stupid dogs.

Don't Use Roofies...

The Hangover stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and the new breakout comedian of 2009, Zach Galifianakis.

Every line from this movie is quotable, and will make you laugh your ass off. Zach Galifianakis stars as Alan, the fat, lazy, step-brother of the groom-to-be, who seems to fuck up everything he does. Though, everything he does is fucking hilarious. From being a lone wolf pack, to wearing a sexy under armour thong, to drugging everyone out on roofies, Alan makes everyone in the theatre laugh hard.

There's many different aspects of this movie that make everyone want to go and see it. For men, it shows the bachelor party you always wish you had, or revives the memories of your bachelor party. For teens, you can laugh at basically every line said in the movie. For women, theres a cute baby she can say "awwwww" too for the entire movie. And, of course, for the elderly they can get out of your house, and see a quality film with the children.

There is no way that this movie can not make you laugh out loud, and just explode from laughter. This is most likely the funniest movie you will ever see, due to the PURE GENIUS of the entire thing, and will make you wish that your bachelor party was as fucking awesome as his. So I think that everyone in the world should see this movie, just because of the pure genius of it. Zach Galifianakis, we love you... Todd Phillips (the director), we love you... and everyone should "feel it" whenever they can. Anyone who does'nt like this movie should be hanged and their life should be over.

Watching the Watchmen

Watchmen is the Bible of comic books. Every true comic book nerd keeps a copy by their bedside and every night they worship the author/God, Alan Moore (Who incidentally looks exactly like one would picture a comic book God to look like.). The book itself is original, deep, smart, provocative, action-packed and in short amazing. That being said, how does the movie compare? To keep the religious analogy going it’s not the Holy Grail of comic book movies, that title still lies with the Dark Knight. Watchmen however is a strong second (Consider it a really-really-nice grail even if it’s not holy.).

Why the movie is so good probably has a lot to do with the fact that very little is changed from the actual comic book. Almost all of the dialogue is identical, and most of the scenes are extremely faithful to the comic. A major thing that was altered was the ending even though only minimally and in my opinion for the better. Also one of the best lines in the book, “Nothing ever ends,” is said as an afterthought in the movie and not by the intimidating blue dude like in the book, but that’s nit-picking.

Where the movie doesn’t work is the acting, which varies from amazing to painful. Rorschach, the Comedian and Sally Jupiter fall into the amazing category; Laurie Jupiter and Ozymandias sadly do not. Laurie Jupiter looks good in her part but the acting seems forced and her lines cheesy. Ozymandias could not seem like a more stereotypical cold and heartless villain right from the beginning which is not good because it’s supposed to be a surprise that he is the stereotypical cold and heartless villain.

Back to the plus side, Zach Snyder the director does an awesome job. The montage to “The Times they are a Changing” is one of the best parts of the movie and just overall his style works with the film. Like all really good directors however he doesn’t know how to keep a movie short (Peter Jackson anyone?) and Watchmen is over two and a half hours.

That pretty much sums it up. If you have ever read a comic book you have probably already seen the movie … multiple times. If you somehow fall into the above category but have not seen it, I would make it a top priority. As for you others out there who have never read a comic and haven’t seen the movie, I would go see it and consider it kind of like watching one of those foreign films with subtitles. You won’t really understand anything that happens but you’ll appreciate your glimpse into a different and alien culture.

The Question should not be " Who watches the watchmen" but " Who doesn't watch the watchmen"

Trekkie Orgasm

Everyone, especially "trekkies," 

will be cumming to this movie!!!

This movie was good. I mean really good. Not like sorta good. Or the "that was okay" sort of good. I mean the " that was amazing" sort of good. You didn't have to be a " trekkie" to see this movie, although if you were a trekkie you would probably "enjoy" this movie even more.

There was a plot, action, twists and romance. And let's just thank god they didn't screw this movie up because there would have been a trekkie riot that would knock the enterprise right out of orbit.

The next thing that needs to be addressed is the music. The music in this movie must have been created by God! (Or Micheal Giacchino but definitley one of the two.) The music was so epic that it could have vibrated the wig off beethoven's head.

The deadly mixture of extreme adrenaline pumping action, epic music and amazing action has created a concoction that would not only raise the numbers at the box office but the amount of blood rushing to certain parts of the body.

To sum it all up even if nobody bought drinks to watch with the movie there would still be sticky stuff on the floor.

Quick Way to Save $10

In today's economy saving money is important. Every penny counts, and if you have an opportunity to save $10 you'd be an idiot not to do it. Well here is how you can save ten bucks: DON'T GO WATCH ANGELS AND DEMONS!

If you read the book you will discover that the screenwriters basically said "fuck the actual point of the movie and lets just make a thriller that takes place in the Vatican". I'm about to spoil the movie for you but it shouldn't matter because hopefully you've already made the decision not to go watch the movie.

The whole thing where the Camerlengo gets the vision from god is scrapped, instead he just reasons it out which completely ruins his entire plan. Of course in the movie he doesn't really have a plan he just did it for shits and giggles anyways so it doesn't matter. He doesn't tell the media either in the movie which seems like a bad idea considering he is supposed to be telling his message to the world.

Also not all the preferati are killed, they save one. Very random.

So if you have read the book you will probably find Angels and Demons to one of the worst movies of all time. If you haven't read it, the movie still probably made your all time bottom ten.

For example in the movie the highly skilled assasin corners the two heroes in a dark castle. He has killed multiple people that night already but he decides to let these two geniues off with a warning of: "stop following me." Now I don't care if you are slow six year old or Ron Howard you should still probably realize that this was unbelievably stupid, although clearly the latter didn't. As a side note, after this incidient the killer proceeded to spiderman himself down a wall and then blow up in a car.

Also I have never seen a blockbuster movie take the plot of a book and make it less intense.

I wasted $10 on this movie, so if you're reading this I beg you - Please do not make the same mistake I did.