When one pictures an angel one usually envisions a pretty girl in a white dress with a glowing halo and cute little bird wings. When the creators of Legion envision an angel they apparently envision a ripped male in a black leather ensemble, with a motorized ball-and-chain-like weapon and giant wings that can defend said angel against bullets, provided he can twirl fast enough. Sadly these gay porno angels are not even close to being the worst part of the movie.
What is the worst part of the movie is up for debate, as Legion makes made for TV movies look like award winning masterpieces. In the film, Charlie is eight months pregnant and working at a dead end diner in the middle of some US desert (the diner by way of cliché law must of course be named Paradise Falls). Her unborn child is coincidentally the saviour of mankind and must be protected by a rebel angel because God has decided he’s done with all this humankind bullshit. I myself was under the impression that God was all powerful but no he can’t just kill the baby with some lightning. Instead he picks the second most logical solution and sends thousands of zombies to kill Charlie and her unborn child. Lucky for Charlie she has the rebel angel to help her out as well as a whole wackful of cliché characters, audience meet black gangster and uptight bitch. What follows this painful set-up is clichéd, unrealistic, just plain weird or all of the above.
If anyone were to examine this movie under the tiniest amount of scrutiny some questions might arise. For instance some audience members might ask why the old lady zombie just doesn’t kill Charlie when she’s standing next to her. Others might ask why the zombie with the sheet over its head just stands there absent-mindedly beating a car with a pole. Still others might ask how a baby with no car seat survives a car crash that involves several flips and a violent landing into a canyon. In the end however it is best for the audience to sit back and enjoy the film’s only redeeming quality: the comedy.
Accidental or not, Legion has more laughs per minute than any sitcom on primetime. Old ladies climbing walls, ice cream men growing appendages, angels with battery operated weapons; comedy writers just can’t match up to Legion’s standards. This film has numerous laugh-out-loud moments and for that and only that would I recommend it. The nominations for the Razzie awards were just released, poking fun at 09’s worst films. Legion sadly missed the deadline for this year’s prestigious honour but I have a feeling a year from now it will receive its just reward.
