This... Wasn't It

Or... This is shit, but I didn't think it was THAT bad,

This Is It is a movie everyone should have heard of through the mass hype and hysteria of Michael Jackson's mysterious death. Though he isn't actually dead, thats beside the point. This movie follows behind the scenes of Michael Jackson's preparation for his huge completely sold out final concert tour "This Is It". The movie follows around Michael, his kiss-ass director, and the back-up dancers, singers, and band members of the huge concert.

The premise of This Is It sounds amazing, a 2 hour movie of backstage access with the biggest icon in music history. Alas, it turned out to be just an extremely long 2 hour movie with very bad audio, with a few good special effects here and there. Michael seemed very picky about all of his tendencies, and the movie did not shine a very good light on how he was as a person. Having a director that listened to everything Michael said and dancers that were crying every five seconds because of the opportunity they were given makes you want to cringe. Also, did anyone notice how big his hands are? That just seemed disgusting...

Though, there were some bright spots in this otherwise bleak movie. Michael still had the dance moves he had in the 80's, you can tell that the concert would have been a spectacle for the ages, and the guitar playing girl was sexy while shredding.

This Is It was a major struggle to watch all the way through, and should have been made much shorter, with less pointless interviews with pointless people. If each song was given the audio clarity it deserved, and the movie was cut down to around the hour and a half range, then maybe I could have stayed interested. Instead, they tried to give you an inside look at the boring and pointless rehearsals for over 2 hours.

The Men Who Stare at Goats (so as to become Jedi Warriors and create world peace while possibly under the influence of LSD) Any questions?

Even from the title, a person can guess that this movie will be different. Men staring at goats doesn’t seem like the most interesting plot line; maybe then does the movie aim to be original rather than just having commercial appeal? The answer is a resounding yes. Men Who Stare at Goats is absurd, odd, hilarious, amusing, definitely original, possibly good and not at all what you would expect.

The plot, well the plot is complicated and involves a present-time storyline that is broken up between flashbacks. In short, George Clooney and Ewan McGregor are on one hell of a road trip in Iraq while Clooney tells McGregor about his time in a secret army training program, bent on creating Jedi warriors. So it’s your typical movie. What it really is is one of those smart-and-dumb-at-the-same-time-comedies-that-involves-George-Clooney; films such as Burn After Reading and The Informant (which he produced) also fall into this category.

Whether you like this movie or not, will depend on how accepting you are of the ridiculous. The movie deals with developing Jedi warriors in a comedically serious way that will be just too much for some people. The sixties counter culture is popular target for jokes in films, but an army program run by a long-haired hippy, working on world peace by dancing, that’s pushing it. My personal feeling for the movie was overall positive; it was original and some segments were genuinely funny. Also on the plus side was the acting. The two leads were good, though McGregor had some accent slips, but the supporting cast was also impressive. Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges and Stephen Lang all embraced the absurdity of their roles and played them with relish.

As for the comedy, the movie is funny. Some parts drag on a little long with no laughs but patience is always rewarded. Jokes in this movie are both smart and dumb, mixing slapstick with intellectual comedy. Clooney running over someone he’s trying to rescue falls in the slapstick category; a guy explaining why the US has to finance the Jedi training because the USSR thinks there already financing it is smart funny. Kevin Spacey’s “psychic voice” is just plain funny.

To finish off, I can only think to repeat that the movie is absurd and just plain odd, but then again so is real life. If the US can torture people with Barney why can’t they train people with Star Wars?

It was Good, Not Biblical

"Law Abiding Citizen" my ass more like "Saddam Husseining Citizen"

Walking into this movie there was an odd feeling in the air that this might be just another action movie with an awful plot line and a bunch of horrible actors and the only thing good about it would be the somewhat cool action scenes. Luckily the feeling walking out of the theaters would be completely opposite to the feeling walking in.

Law Abiding Citizen is about Clyde Shelton ( Gerard Butler) whose wife and little girl were killed. Nick Rice (Jamie Foxx) was unable to put both killers in jail. So Clyde seeks justice for the rest of his life, in whatever way is necessary. The entire movie is trying to create a political statement about the justice system and how blah blah blah now for the action.

The script writers in this movie were not amateurs at killing people, they had it figure out quite well in fact. Some of the killing tools used in this movie could sit on the same murder trial case as the ones in Saw. If Clyde wants you dead you're dead it might be a gun that makes you paralyzed so he can chop you up or he could put a bullet in your cell phone that would take a huge chunk out of your head or he might even puncture your jugular with a T-bone from a steak. He will fuck you up ... oddly it makes for a good movie.

The movie fit into an unorthodox category of a murder mystery where you already know who the bad guy is and yet it is still extremely suspenseful. The acting in the movie had its flaws especially when Gerard decided every so often that he was in 300 again and turned on his accent. Jamie Foxx did a marvelous job playing his character of Nick Rice. The only real flaw in the writing of the script was that they killed the hot girl and the only piece of eye candy left in the movie was Jamie Foxx's middle aged wife.

At some parts in the movie it is about as realistic as Twilight Zone, I mean come on (Spoiler Alert) there is no way in hell that a prisoner, who has been creating a circus of the justice system, would be able to escape from solitary confinement everyday. Then, when the entire city is being locked down Mr. "I will fuck you up" can walk out of his jail cell and waltz straight into city hall and then, after being searched and frisked can still assemble and plant a bomb that would blow up city hall.

Although the movie was not the best I had ever seen it did a very good job. The movie did have some flaws of an unreal plot line and a bad accent changing actor but for the most part I was pleasantly surprised at the finished product.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-r-e

Where The (Big, Furry, Agressive, Easily Conflicted, Akward and Extremely) Wild Things Are

A Children's Story For Adults

The movie Where the Wild Things Are is an in depth tale about Max (a young, emotionally conflicted boy) trying to be heard even though his size keeps him from being recognized. The movie takes a very famous book that is only 10 sentences long and expands it into a 101 minute film of moving emotions. The entire film is quite dark and very emotional, meant for someone with bi-polar disorder because it goes from being hilarious to being extremely depressing all in 3 seconds.

Very few of the characters in this movie had a human face, in fact there was quite a variety in the faces that the characters wore including goat, monster, owl, bull, and chicken. All the characters in the movie were extremely lovable and funny except Judith (she's a downer). James Gondolfini (Carol) once again blows audience away with his amazing talent. The real Oscar winner in this movie however, is Max Record who has a very intense and emotional role. The movie does a really good job of making the audience care about a bunch of stupid wild things.

One of the problems of this movie was the plot line. It seemed like the writers for this movie took cool ideas and wrote them down and shot darts at a board and when they hit the idea it comes next in the screenplay. The movie's plot line is easy to follow but keeps you asking questions like "why are they in the desert?" or "what is the point of punching holes in trees?". The movie used the book less like a screenplay (Because then the movie would have been ten minutes.) and more as a guideline of certain frames that should be hit.

There have been a lot of comments that people have made about bringing there kid to see the film and then finding out it is not made for kids. Well just to silence these assholes I would like to say that it was rated PG-13 (There's a hint.) and that the book is not even a kids book, it's protagonist is a kid who wears a weird wolf suit and yells at his mom. Now if you think that yelling at your mom builds good morals then you're an idiot.

The movie gave an extremely emontional view on a 9 year old's life. The movie hit all the right pressure points and will turn into a classic. This movie is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-E

The Invention of the Good Romantic Comedy ... And we're not Lying

Ricky Gervais is one of the funniest men in the world. He created, wrote and starred in The Office, a revolutionary TV show and when he speaks at award shows the audience laughs, and not the pretend, acknowledging-the-joke-laugh but a real, that-was-actually-funny laugh. The Invention of Lying is Gervais’s newest project, one that he once again created, wrote and starred in and it too is a hit. The premise is original, the jokes new, the acting well done; in short the movie works even with certain given clichés.

The premise of The Invention of Lying is believe it or not about the invention of lying. It is an alternate universe where no one in the world can lie, or even knows what a lie is. In fact for some unexplainable reason not only do people lie but they go out of their way to tell the truth. Pepsi’s slogan is “for when they don’t have coke”, retirement homes are called “A sad place where old people go to die”, doctors tell you your diagnosis with added details. It is in this world that Mark (Gervais) tells the first lie and soon, with his power, he is living the high life. Unfortunately however, his ability cannot get him true love or save his dying mother and that is where the romantic portion as well as religious musings enters the movie.

That’s right romance and religion; those of you who watched the trailer are probably surprised because the movie is advertised as a straight-up comedy. It is however, a romantic comedy with dramatic portions, just to be one hundred percent up front. Hopefully this will not dissuade anyone from going because this movie is worth watching. To repeat from earlier, Ricky Gervais is one of the funniest men in the world, and this shows in The Invention of Lying.

The cast is star-studded including Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe, Jonah Hill and Tina Fey, and all of them are impressive. Jonah Hill in particular was funny, playing a suicidal character who openly conversed about his attempts to kill himself. The religious sub-plot is also amusing, with the population pestering Mark about what exactly constitutes as a sin. Where the movie gets frustrating however, is the clichés it does fall into. How many romantic comedies have resolved with a wedding scene where the man begs the soon-to-be-married-woman to marry him instead (I can think of five just off the top of my head)? And on top of that the movie only ever resolves the romantic plot ignoring the lingering questions of religion.

To sum it up when Mark says: “This is the greatest movie ever made” he’s not lying, just exaggerating a little.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-e

I Am Legend Meets Hilarious

Okay picture this your the last man on earth or one of the last few people in America that isn't a zombie. All you do is kill zombies, and every day is a struggle for life while the only enjoyment left is one upping each other with zombie kills. It would be absolutely terrible.

But it is fucking hilarious to watch. And that is ZOMBIELAND!

Woody Harrelson, the zombie killing crazy, Tallahasse steals the show with his epic hilarious zombie kills and possibly even better are his lines before, after and during each zombie kill.

Then of course there is Columbus the typical nerd who rises above all and some how gets the hot girl. Columbus's nerdiness, akward flirting and hilarious fails just add to the overall feel and humout of the movie.

Zombieland does what lots of movies have tried to do and failed. Combine comedy and horror. These movies usually come off taking themseleves too seriously or just feeling incredibly lame. The only real successful one before Zombieland was Shawn of the Dead. Zombieland goes above Shawn of the Dead.

Shawn of the Dead is equivilant to the clown zombie in the Zombieland it gave Columbus a bit of a scare, but he squashed it just like everyother zombie in the movie.

Until you've seen zombieland you will never truely appretiate how enertaining it can be to watch zombies getting killed.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-e

Let Me Inform You...

A Title Filled With Irony

The Informant is about Mark Whitacre ( Matt Damon ) a man who works at a giant agricultural company. Mark Whitacre becomes an undercover agent for the U.S government who is trying to take down this company for price fixing. The movie is quite un-informing to say the least. The movie is split into 2 parts, Boring Part 1 and Good Part 2.

The first half of the movie is extremely painful. The movie was advertised to seem as though it would be a hilarious comedy about a retarded, untrained undercover agent... Which obviously it wasn't. Having a plot line that doesn't really matter and boring main character does not help the anti - climatic first half. The first half of the movie makes you wonder if you should get up and leave the theatre, this would be a total mistake because the second part of the movie is amazing.


Imagine this movie sort of like an atomic bomb, putting it together would be as boring as talking to Helen Keller but once that thing (the atomic Bomb) is in the air it would be like talking to the Beatles.

The second part of the film could be closely paralleled to the Bush administration and how what they told America something different than what was actually happening in Iraq. The first half of the movie is simply meant to setup the second half. The informant character ( Matt Damon )might not be telling the complete truth throughout the first half of the movie. This creates a hilarious character change which causes the whole plot to take a U turn to the world of comedy. The second part of the movie is filled with laugh out loud scenes and funny lines. The constant narrating of Mark Whitarce thoughts throughout the movie is also funny. The second half of the movie is hilarious and worth waiting for.

Overall, The first part of the movie would be something you would expect to be shown at a Japanese enslavement camp as torture and the second part of the movie is the complete opposite making you laugh at every line.

If this movie where to be some sort of math equation it would be:

Unfunny + Uneventful + Anticlimactic = Fucking Hilarious + Ridiculous + Anti- Informant


Overall rating: S-A-B-r-e