Watchmen + 300 + High Budget Porno = SUCKER PUNCH

The Ultimate Chick Flick for Men

Before I start this review I have to give a huge shout out to the beautiful woman in this movie, may you stay hot, forever. Now...

Suckerpunch is basically the best movie of all time when you attempt to explain the movie to someone, please allow me: Imagine story where the 6 main characters are woman and 5 of them are gorgeous (one is lacking her name is Rocket) and they live in a brothel-like place and when this one girl named baby doll does some crazy gyrating dance they enter a dream world. This dream world is filled with big ass ninjas that have gattling guns, massive dragons, World-War II battle sequences and hot girls.

This movie defines sexy in more ways than one, the first way being that it is sexy when a sexy woman is carrying around a sexy ninja sword and is sexyly jumping over stuff which is super sexy. The second way that it is sexy is in that smooth, flawless, pacing sexy, much like the way James Bond is sexy.

Although this movie was much like watching a soft-core porno, there was about 45 mintues of it that could have been much improved. This 45 mintues that I speak of is when Zach Snyder (Director) tries to develop the plot, not saying that he didn't develop it but that I wasn't to heavily invested in the characters personalities. This same 45 minutes included the low-lights of the movie, the parts that I like to call emotional.

The music in this movie is something to be commented on, it was covers of rocks song, with a very unique and original twist. It made for some very, intense and cool sequences from dancing to fighting.

The movie was amazingly entertaining, it was the ultimate guys movie, and oddly rated 14A, good job Zack Snyder. Calling all director of chick flick films: WATCH THIS MOVIE! And learn how to get the male audience!!!

Where The (Big, Furry, Agressive, Easily Conflicted, Akward and Extremely) Wild Things Are

A Children's Story For Adults

The movie Where the Wild Things Are is an in depth tale about Max (a young, emotionally conflicted boy) trying to be heard even though his size keeps him from being recognized. The movie takes a very famous book that is only 10 sentences long and expands it into a 101 minute film of moving emotions. The entire film is quite dark and very emotional, meant for someone with bi-polar disorder because it goes from being hilarious to being extremely depressing all in 3 seconds.

Very few of the characters in this movie had a human face, in fact there was quite a variety in the faces that the characters wore including goat, monster, owl, bull, and chicken. All the characters in the movie were extremely lovable and funny except Judith (she's a downer). James Gondolfini (Carol) once again blows audience away with his amazing talent. The real Oscar winner in this movie however, is Max Record who has a very intense and emotional role. The movie does a really good job of making the audience care about a bunch of stupid wild things.

One of the problems of this movie was the plot line. It seemed like the writers for this movie took cool ideas and wrote them down and shot darts at a board and when they hit the idea it comes next in the screenplay. The movie's plot line is easy to follow but keeps you asking questions like "why are they in the desert?" or "what is the point of punching holes in trees?". The movie used the book less like a screenplay (Because then the movie would have been ten minutes.) and more as a guideline of certain frames that should be hit.

There have been a lot of comments that people have made about bringing there kid to see the film and then finding out it is not made for kids. Well just to silence these assholes I would like to say that it was rated PG-13 (There's a hint.) and that the book is not even a kids book, it's protagonist is a kid who wears a weird wolf suit and yells at his mom. Now if you think that yelling at your mom builds good morals then you're an idiot.

The movie gave an extremely emontional view on a 9 year old's life. The movie hit all the right pressure points and will turn into a classic. This movie is one of the best movies I have seen in a long time.

Overall Rating: S-A-B-R-E

Let Me Inform You...

A Title Filled With Irony

The Informant is about Mark Whitacre ( Matt Damon ) a man who works at a giant agricultural company. Mark Whitacre becomes an undercover agent for the U.S government who is trying to take down this company for price fixing. The movie is quite un-informing to say the least. The movie is split into 2 parts, Boring Part 1 and Good Part 2.

The first half of the movie is extremely painful. The movie was advertised to seem as though it would be a hilarious comedy about a retarded, untrained undercover agent... Which obviously it wasn't. Having a plot line that doesn't really matter and boring main character does not help the anti - climatic first half. The first half of the movie makes you wonder if you should get up and leave the theatre, this would be a total mistake because the second part of the movie is amazing.


Imagine this movie sort of like an atomic bomb, putting it together would be as boring as talking to Helen Keller but once that thing (the atomic Bomb) is in the air it would be like talking to the Beatles.

The second part of the film could be closely paralleled to the Bush administration and how what they told America something different than what was actually happening in Iraq. The first half of the movie is simply meant to setup the second half. The informant character ( Matt Damon )might not be telling the complete truth throughout the first half of the movie. This creates a hilarious character change which causes the whole plot to take a U turn to the world of comedy. The second part of the movie is filled with laugh out loud scenes and funny lines. The constant narrating of Mark Whitarce thoughts throughout the movie is also funny. The second half of the movie is hilarious and worth waiting for.

Overall, The first part of the movie would be something you would expect to be shown at a Japanese enslavement camp as torture and the second part of the movie is the complete opposite making you laugh at every line.

If this movie where to be some sort of math equation it would be:

Unfunny + Uneventful + Anticlimactic = Fucking Hilarious + Ridiculous + Anti- Informant


Overall rating: S-A-B-r-e